May 2019 – thepluckyprocrastinator

Dear Jenna,

Happy, happy 5th birthday!

Every year on both of your birthdays, I like to stay up until midnight, so I can sneak a peek at you or Josh right as you are turning another year older. I always look forward to it. But this year, I will admit to being a little less excited about it. Not because I am unhappy it’s your birthday, but because a little part of me is sad to see my smallest baby grow into such a big, wonderful girl.

This year has been amazing for you. The transformations I’ve seen in you have been unbelievable. You learned to swim! That was what we spent most of last summer doing. You went from being too afraid to let go of me in the water with floaties on to pushing me away so you could do it all by yourself.

Doing things by yourself has been a theme for this year. You constantly tell me, “Mom, I got this,” and you do not want any help. That has been another change for you – I remember you coming to me at the beginning of the school year and telling me you couldn’t open your applesauce by yourself. Now, you get mad if I don’t give you a chance to try on your own.

Your confidence, while always one of your strongest qualities, has grown so much this year. You used to shy away from strangers, only talk to one or two friends at school, and hide behind me when someone at church said hello. And that was all okay – I never want you to feel like those were bad things to do! They were great things, because they were you. And now, you are the girl who jumps in front of me to greet people, who introduces yourself to new friends, who has gone from one or two friends to a whole classroom full.

You love babies. You loooooooove babies. And you are so patient with them! You let little cousins and little siblings of friends play with your toys, and you walk with them to get to where they are going, and you laugh and gently tell them no when they go for a fistful of your hair. I love that about you – I love how patient you are, and what a generous spirit you have.

This year, you have also learned a lot about what it means to be a sibling of someone with special needs. Through countless therapy visits, doctors appointments, and one memorable hospital stay for Josh, you have never complained. I want you to know that, even though I don’t always get to spend the time I want to with you, I love you SO much. I love you and Joshua the same, and I wish I could always give both of you 100% of my time. But you are my strong, independent girl, and you give me the time I need to help your brother.

That isn’t to say we don’t get our fair share of play time! You and I have had countless adventures together, mostly in the mornings before school when we play with ponies, build with blocks, or explore in the resource room for craft ideas. We pretended to be invisible ninjas, and got to watch baby chicks grow. At home, we were Barbie sisters, Shopkins pals, and had dozens of “sleepovers” in the middle of the afternoon. You are always up for a new adventure, and your imagination never stops.

Your career goals have changed a little – now you want to be a fancy hair stylist for ballerinas. You will drive a van around to the fanciest places and give ballerinas the fanciest hairdos. You will call your business Orange Grape Clips, and you will also have a fancy dog. Just remember your un-fancy mom during all this, okay? I need help with my hair all the time.

Fancy things are your favorite. You love to come into my room and go through my jewelry box. You always walk away with a prize – a bracelet or necklace that was mine as a kid, and you add it carefully to your own “colleption” of beautiful things that you keep inside your Build-A-Bear wardrobe. You love make up and dresses and picking out your shoes always takes some time – and you never pick the ones I think you will.

You even wore a skirt while you played baseball – it was very “A League Of Their Own,” and you did not care one bit that it might be harder to play in a skirt. Although I don’t know if you were in baseball for the game as much as you were for the accessories… You may not ever want to do it again, but I am proud of you for finishing the season and getting your trophy!

The most exciting thing this year happened just a couple of weeks ago – we were driving Josh to school when you asked if you could pray to become a Christian and follow Jesus forever. I was so, so excited for you, and I love that you were bold enough to ask. Things like that can be hard for you – you don’t always love being the center of attention when you don’t expect it. But you asked and we talked and you prayed and it was wonderful <3

Jenna, these last five years with you have been fantastic. You are funny, and silly, and sweet, and smart. One comment I always get about you is how you are always willing to pitch in to clean up, to help out, or answer a question. You get so much joy from giving others joy. I want to be as generous as you!

You have your moments – we all do :) but even in those moments where your lip is out and your foot is stomped and your arms are crossed, I thank God for those qualities (sometimes it takes me a few hours…), because you have a boldness about you that I want you to always have.

And you are still little in just a few ways – you still use “m” for some “n” sounds, like when you “meed” something to eat. You still add an extra “ed” to things you want to make past-tense, like “fixeded.” You still believe that magic is real and that Rapunzel really did escape her tower and that unicorns live in the woods. You don’t really care if your shoes are on the right feet, and you think glitter is the answer to everything. I am clinging to these little girl qualities about you, because I know you are growing before my eyes.

Happy, happy, happy 5th birthday to the best little girl I will ever know – my Jenna, my Jenner Benner, my Beaner Girl, my Jenster, my baby. You will rock kindergarten – because you got this.

Love you forever – or, as you would say, for 9,000 days – ,

Mommy