Rain, rain… you confuse me

Rain, rain… you confuse me

Southerners can’t drive in the rain (Although the more people I meet from other places, the more I’m convinced that it’s becoming a national issue at the very least.). But it isn’t our fault. I was trying to explain this to my husband (who is from Michigan) when we were dating, but he just wasn’t getting it. Then I realized why: Daniel moved here in 2009. AKA the Year of The Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh Run Away Floods. I told Daniel I had never seen so much rain in my life. He kind of believed me. Then it snowed the next February. Again, more snow than I had ever seen. Until the next December and January, where it proceeded to snow so much that any chance of me convincing Daniel that this never, ever happens was pretty much nil.

Today, as it rained like crazy and I found myself surrounded by several people unable to drive in the rain (much like myself), I started thinking about what an awesome blog post this would make why this is the case. And I think I’ve got the answer:

See, we were in a drought. For, like, 28 bajillion years. I don’t have any actual stats on that but I’d say 28 bajillion is pretty close.  So when we see rain, it confuses us. What is this magical moisture falling from the sky? Is it an alien invasion? Are we supposed to worship it? WHAT DOES IT WANT??

And the snow? Forget about it. I have as much experience with snow as a camel does with the Great Lakes.  This is why all of the toilet paper, water, beer and milk disappears off the shelves – what if this time, the snow really does signify the end of the world? Best to always be prepared, don’t you think?

But when it rained and snowed so much these last few years, we entered this other world, this Narnia-like place where rainbows beckon you with Skittles and unicorns offer you new cars. It took us to a magical place where we suddenly understood how the world worked. And it was glorious. Alas, it was short-lived. We thought we were weather-whisperers, conquerors of all things inclement. But we weren’t. Not even close. And now we find ourselves back where we started, confused and frightened by this unusual liquid falling from above. Wow – that was pretty poetic. No one steal that.

So. Rain. What the heck, right?

“Please, I’ll do whatever you ask. Just leave my family alone.”
Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast

I love this movie. Love, love, love. Belle was always my favorite Disney princess because she has brown hair and loves to read – just like me!!

The resemblance is uncanny, no?

I love this movie so much that tonight I went to go see it in 3-D!! It was fabulous. We looked really good in our glasses. Especially me because I was wearing my 3-D glasses over my regular glasses.

Daniel, who graciously agreed to see the movie with me, was understandably less thrilled than BFF Jen and I were about seeing a princess movie, and started his own running commentary throughout the movie. I noticed a pattern – he was going through all the plot holes of the movie, including but not limited to:
1) Why didn’t Maurice just turn around when he knew he’d missed the turn?
2) How did Philippe get the Beast on his back and haul him all the way to the castle after the wolves attacked him? And what trauma did the Beast endure to make him fall unconscious… if a 90-pound woman can stomach it, so can he.
3) If the last petal falls on the Beast’s 21st birthday, and they say in the song they’ve been waiting 10 years for the spell to be broken, this makes the Beast 11 when the spell was cast. But the painting of him is of a grown-up Beast. Daniel spent half the movie trying to figure this out. He came up with a few plausible solutions if you’re interested.
I have heard these from other people as well, all wanting to know what Disney could have been thinking to leave out such obvious details. (Daniel gets a pass because he is a guy and I’m guessing this wasn’t his favorite flick growing up. And because I think he’s cute.) And while I am no stranger to the movie mockery… come on. Come on. Let’s take a step back here for a minute. 
This is a movie about talking dishes and candlesticks and wardrobes. This is a movie where the cups not only talk to you, but offer sage life advice as well. Where an entire town is stalking one poor girl, waiting to see what book she will read next. Where no one is at all surprised at the revelation of a magic mirror and are totally on board with footrests that bark. And the biggest issue is that they might have gotten the Beast’s age wrong? 
At best, this movie is a wonderful classic, full of happiness and true love and fabulous music. At worst, we are witnessing the effects of Belle dropping acid in order to get away from all the stresses of this provincial life. That would certainly explain the dancing spoons.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Focus on the awesomeness instead.

Also, the Beast’s name? Adam, according to Disney. You’re welcome. 

It’s the End of the Worlddddddd

It’s the End of the Worlddddddd

Just kidding. It’s just 2012. Which might be the end of the world; I don’t know. ANYway, I thought I would share my New Year’s resolutions with my millions of fans. I usually make a really easy resolution, like “This year I vow to not start smoking.” or “This is the year I watch all my new TV shows as soon as possible.” But this year I decided to make real, actual resolutions. Enjoy.

1) Lose weight. Yes, I know I have now joined the approximately 99 million Americans who have this goal. But I want to try, and I really want to get in shape in 2012. How else will my dream of becoming a short-people model come true?? We need representation, too, you know.

2) Finish my book. You know, the one I started in… early 2011. That one. I really want to finish it, and maybe even let two whole people read it! I know; I entertain high dreams.

3) There is no # 3.

4) There’s no # 4, either. Why would there be a # 4 if there wasn’t a # 3? Silly.

So there you have it. My grand goals for 2012. There are just two, but they are both important and will likely take all of 2012 to accomplish, so I think it’s best to start small. Stay tuned for my progress – although that shouldn’t be hard since I know most of you check this thing like 8 times a day.

What are your New Year’s resolutions? Don’t say “To not start smoking.” Unless that might be a real challenge for you. Then do that one.