Well, everyone, due to some tummy troubles, I have been prescribed Lortab for pain. Why does spellcheck not recognize Lortab? Am I spelling it wrong? My mom would know. Mom, is it wrong?
…anyway, I’ve been trying not to take too much but I did have one earlier tonight. And then a thought came to me: What better way to delight my millions of fans than by writing a post while high?? So here we are.
I don’t like the feeling that Lortab gives me. It’s sort of a win-lose, because I trade stomach pain for feeling like the whole room is tilted at a 90-degree angle. And my stomach still hurts so really it’s a lose-lose. Or, as Michael Scott might say, a lose-lose-lose. If you don’t watch The Office, don’t start now because I don’t like it anymore. But watch the one where he talks about the win-win-win situation because that one is funny. Michael Scott isn’t on The Office anymore :( That makes me sad. But like I said I don’t watch it anymore so I’m not sure why I care. I guess I just miss the idea of Michael Scott.
I’m not 100% sure where I thought this post could go. But I can’t sleep and Daniel is already asleep and no amount of me pretending to drop things is waking him. He has to get up early so I guess I will try to type quietly. He gets up at 5:15 every morning. Like the loving wife I am, I wake up for approximately 75 seconds to wish him a good day at work. Once I made him lunch, but I think I forgot to put bread on the sandwich so we went back to the 75-second goodbye. But he doesn’t mind. He’s a good husband. He really is. Not just because he doesn’t mind me sleeping while he gets up but just in general. He always brings me Sprite. And if I have a bad day he watches Gilmore Girls with me. Although I am beginning to suspect that is more for him…
He also got me a nightlight! I don’t like the dark. I’m blind and if I don’t have my glasses on it takes me about 2.4 milliseconds to convince myself that every shadow on the room is an evil bad guy waiting to get me. Why they wait until I’m awake, I don’t know. I don’t pretend to understand their evil ways. My previous solution was to leave the bathroom light on all night. But the line shines right in Daniel’s face while I sleep soundly on the other side. He put up with this for a long time before tactfully suggesting a nightlight. And he didn’t get me just any nightlight – it changes colors and has FISH FLOATING INSIDE IT. It is very amazing and it is a bad guy repellent because not a single one has tried to attack me since I got the nightlight. Amazing, right?? If you don’t think it’s amazing, come over to my house and look at my nightlight. If you still don’t think it’s amazing I’ll make you cookies.
So. Lortab. It’s strange.