I’ve seen some really adorable ways that wives have told their husbands they’re having a baby. Cute cards, t-shirts, drawing on their stomachs (okay, that one is a little weird to me). My friend Sara put a boy onesie and a girl onesie inside a dresser drawer, placed the positive pregnancy test in between, and left a card for her husband that said “Get Ready for # 2!” (#2 is referring to their second child, not a BM). So adorable.
Predictably, when I told Daniel the news, I didn’t have as much… what’s the word… dignity. After I told him I thought of a million cute ways to do it. But that’s not the Kraniel way. Kraniel = Kristen + Daniel. Get with the program.
No, our way usually involves confusion, shouting, and, in this case, foreign languages.
When I took the test, I didn’t expect to get a positive result. Don’t get me wrong – I wanted one. I just didn’t think I would get one. So when the second little line appeared, I kind of froze for a second. Then, as only I can do, I thought This can’t be right. Nice, huh? My baby will be so thrilled to hear that I had to make sure that it wasn’t a user error several times over. I’ll probably write that on the first birthday card.
So anyway, I just couldn’t believe it. I had to make sure – but how? I only had the one test. So I ran down the hallway to Daniel, who was listening to something on the computer.
“Daniel!” I said. No answer. He’s half-deaf. And with headphones in, forgettaboutit. No way would he hear me. Some people might have tapped him on the shoulder. I just took a deep breath and bellowed “DANIEL!”
He jumped and turned around.
“READ THIS!” I pushed the test and the directions for the test into his hands.
“READ THE INSTRUCTIONS AND TELL ME WHAT THIS TEST SAYS.” Yes, his headphones were off by now. No, I did not stop yelling at top volume.
“Kristen, I can’t read this!” He was trying to show me something on the instructions.
“JUST READ IT!!” I screamed like the girl from The Exorcist.
“BECAUSE THESE INSTRUCTIONS ARE. IN. SPANISH!!”
Wait, what? I took the instructions from him. Sure enough, there was a Spanish side and an English side. That’s what I get for buying my test on sale at Wal-Mart. I flipped the instructions to the English side and handed it back to him very sweetly.
“Could you pretty please read it now?”
He read it. He is not a fast reader.
“WILL YOU PLEASE JUST HURRY??” I was yelling again. This time it came out more like the Emperor from Star Wars.
“Stop rushing me. I am going as fast as I can.”
“BECAUSE YOU ARE STANDING OVER ME AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE’RE DOING AND I JUST. NEED. A MINUTE.”
After 16 hours had passed, he finished. “Can I see the test?”
I handed it to him. He looked at the test. He looked back at the instructions. He looked back at the test. He looked back at the instructions. Test. Instructions. Test. Instructions. TEST. My brain was about to implode when he got a big smile on his face.
“This says you’re pregnant!!!!!!!”
We hugged it out. Did we spend the rest of the evening going over baby names and how to tell people and wondering if we would be good parents? Nope. Daniel went back to his headphones. I caught up on Grey’s Anatomy.
It’s the Kraniel way.