59 Thoughts Every Parent Has While Watching Thomas the Train

59 Thoughts Every Parent Has While Watching Thomas the Train

  1. This song is cute. Kind of catchy. Unless it gets stuck in my head; that would be terrible.
  2. This song is stuck in my head.
  3. So are the trains British? Or just sort of pretentious?
  4. They are British.
  5. No, that one is just pretentious.
  6. THAT one is British.
  7. Ugh, shut up, Percy.6-18733face
  8. So has anyone ever bothered to find out why these trains can talk? Can all trains talk in this world?
  9. Come to think of it, pretty much any transportation vehicle in these shows can talk.
  10. That’s sort of creepy.
  11. How big is the Island of Sodor? They keep finding new spots. Shouldn’t they have covered them all by now?
  12. Maybe they would know the island better if they actually worked their branch lines instead of sitting around chatting all day.
  13. Gordon is the worst.
  14. Seriously, why do they put up with him? Because he pulls the express? James could totally pull the express. Gordon must have dirt on Sir Toppem Hatt.
  15. Wait, are there drivers inside the trains?

    “Tell my family what happened.”
  16. Like a driver is inside each of these trains all day?
  17. What do they do when one of the trains decides to rescue someone from Misty Island or when they’re racing each other? Hold on and pray?
  18. They must get paid a ton of money to put up with this crap all day.
  19. I wonder how much money Thomas’ driver makes.
  20. But these trains crash every 12 minutes. They must go through dozens of drivers a week.
  21. Shut UP, Percy.
  22. Percy’s driver has it the worst.
  23. Isn’t Percy supposed to be pulling the mail cars? I bet no one on this island gets their bills on time.
  24. So the diesels can just light stuff on fire and then say sorry and everything is fine?
  25. Insight: The trains are holding the humans captive.
  26. That would explain why we rarely see the visitors that Gordon’s express supposedly pulls.
  27. Tidmouth Sheds just has like 7 places to sleep. Where do the other trains go?
  28. I guess if you’re not one of the OG trains no one cares about you.
  29. Except Victor. He’s good people.VictorCGIpromo
  30. Victor is the only train on this whole island with any sense.
  31. They should make Victor their king.
  32. There’s an Earl of Sodor?
  33. Wait, he’s British.
  34. So this whole time I guess no one noticed the giant castle that the Earl lives in.
  35. Probably because they don’t ever WORK.
  36. Did writers of the Brady Bunch theme write these songs, too?
  37. Say “wheel-turn by wheel-turn” ONE more time, narrator.
  39. So on these adventures where Thomas goes rogue and finds a secret train that no one knew of and kept it a secret for weeks…his driver just didn’t say anything?
  40. Or maybe he COULDN’T.
  41. The trains killed their drivers and just prop up mannequins in their places now.
  42. Honestly, the drivers are probably better off.
  43. Who is this “real life” guy who works at the station? Why is he making a cake?
  44. Is he the only office staff member in Sodor?
  45. Now he’s mopping.
  46. Maybe he was a driver who escaped the massacre.
  47. Stop splashing people, Thomas. Sheesh, you’re obnoxious.
  48. But why do they leave things like flour and strawberries uncovered in the train cars? That can’t be sanitary.
  49. They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight…
  50. So if some of the trains are identical twins, does that mean the trains have parents?
  51. I mean, they’re trains. Technically a lot of them are identical already.
  52. Like Henry and Gordon, except Henry is cool and Gordon is the worst.Picture 255
  53. He probably led the driver massacre.
  54. Why does Sir Toppem Hat employ the Troublesome Trucks? They are clearly not a good fit for this job.
  55. Really, about half of these guys should be fired.
  56. The girls do a great job, though. Mavis’ quarry work is on point.
  57. Whatever happened to Molly? Thomas embarrassed her and then she never returned.
  58. She probably got wise and escaped on the first talking steamboat out of there.

And I think that’s about it.


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