Welcome to the Elevelds’

Welcome to the Elevelds’

Daniel and I are going on vacation for at . Yay! In order to allow our cats to live while we do this, we are asking some friends to come over and make sure there is enough food, water, people to glare at, etc.

When we watched the house/cats for one of these friends, she thoughtfully put together a very helpful information sheet with details about the cats, her house, contact information, and more! I’ve decided to return the favor:


Hello, Monica and LeeAnn. Thank you for watching our cats. We’ve spoken to them about it and they’re all sorts of excited about seeing you. They might look angry but that is just their love language. Below are a few ground rules and expectations regarding your time with our feline friends. Please let me know if you have any questions.

~ As Monica’s house is clean enough to perform surgery in at any given time, and LeeAnn could organize the home of a group of wild blind orphan monkeys, I expect my house will not be quite as “clean” or “mold-free” as you’re used to. We think it adds personality. If, however, this is a serious issue for you, please feel free to clean at any time. We have some Tide-to-Go sticks in the pantry. They might be old.

~ You might notice loose change on the floor, dryer, counter, etc. Please do not remove this change from the surface on which you find it. We are firm believers in being prepared for an emergency and at any given time can access at least $1.17 just by walking down the hallway.

~ We have two cats. One is large enough to pull a covered wagon while the other one is so small we often have to play “Marco! Polo!” in order to ascertain her whereabouts. Feel free to play with with her. Or just let her stay lost. She seems to like it.

~ To feed them, we put food into a big bowl. The little cat, Robin, is absolutely not kidding around when it comes to getting her meals so we find a larger bowl keeps the bloodshed down to a minimum. The big bowl lives on top of the washer. The food also lives there. We don’t do a ton of laundry.

~ We give them water in an even BIGGER bowl. This is usually because the dog shares it with them. Also because we forget to give them water every day so we find it best to give them a few days’ worth at a time, just in case. Feel free to report us to the animal agency of your choice.

~ As Daniel works with lots of small metal pieces, you will likely find these everywhere in the house. I vacuumed as far as the cord would stretch, which is the living room and about half the hallway, so you should be safe until then. If being barefoot is very important to you, you will find paper towels in the kitchen and can make a path throughout the house that is free of small metal dangers.

~ Strewn throughout the house you will find many weapons and accessories, including but not limited to: two swords, a machete, various guns, a bow and arrow, possibly another machete, a few Japanese scary sticks, several airsoft guns, and enough bullets to supply a military bunker. If any of these make you uncomfortable, I recommend playing with them for a while to get used to them. The broadsword is especially fun.

~ We can’t find the remote. Let us know if you see it.

~ We only have two cats. A third one hangs out on our porch sometimes. It looks like Batman, the fat cat. It is NOT Batman. Do not attempt any cuddling. It doesn’t like cuddling. Only our porch.

~ Please note my talent at carefully arranging our pictures to be “eclectically organized.” You can tell me in person how much you loved it, or leave a note/gift that conveys your level of envy at my mad decorating skillz.

I think that’s it for now. Please review this list carefully and see me with any questions. We have nothing but peanut butter and I think some Pringles but it’s all yours for the taking! Thank you for your service to your friends, your country, and your local domestic pets.

~Kristen and Daniel

Please note the trash in both the left and right corners of the picture. 


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