Most of you know that I have issues with traffic. However, this post is not about what to do to circumvent the horror that is a traffic jam, or how to right an injustice on the highway. This time, I have decided to share some wisdom with you that comes from my experience this evening:
1) Before you honk angrily at someone who cuts you off, make sure they don’t have a license plate that denotes they are a war veteran or physically handicapped.
2) Once you realize this, do not tailgate them even longer – they might live in your parents’ neighborhood.
3) Always, always resist the urge to give the finger – seriously, that person might live in your parents’ neighborhood.
4) As soon as you realize they do live in your parents’ neighborhood neighborhood, look for another neighborhood to turn into in case the other driver might recognize you. Try to do this inconspicuously. Which is hard to do in a bright orange car.
5) Do not think you are safe until you see them turn on another street – they might take a sloooooooow riiiiiiiiide dooooooown theeeee streeeeeeeeet and it will look bad if you come zooming up behind them. Again.
6) Finally, when you are safe, never, ever, ever venture into your parents’ neighborhood again. At least not until your fake mustache and dark sunglasses arrive.
Sorry, Mom. This is why I don’t have a Jesus sticker on my car.