My name is Kristen. (Hi, Kristen.) My parents named me this in an attempt to give me a name that was slightly unique but not so unique I never make a friend because other parents are scared of my family’s values. And while my birthday is very close to Christmas, and while I know “Kristen” and “Christmas” sound similar, my parents did not take this into consideration when naming me. My dad is very adamant about this point. For the love of all that is holy, please don’t ask him if I am named after Christmas. You will regret it. Also, don’t ask him about the civil war, but that’s unrelated.
However, all this aside, the most aggravating aspect of my name is not that I share it with so many people in spite of my parents’ best efforts. (One of my BFFs has been renamed Other Kristen just so we have a way to distinguish ourselves to our friends.) It’s the fact that there are so many ways to spell it and pronounce it that no one ever gets mine right, including my great-grandmother. But she gives me presents, so she gets a pass. The rest of you, please continue reading.
The name Kristen is pretty simple. It’s only seven letters. And it’s phonetic. What you see is what you get. You might find yourself wanting to say Kristine, or Krista, or Kristy, or, on one weird occasion, Kelly. Fight that urge. It’s a bad urge. It’s the kind of urge that will get you pinched on the arm. And, for the love of everything, please do not ask me if I am sure if I am saying and/or spelling it correctly. It’s been 24 years. I’m sure.
And now that I have a grown-up work email address, a Facebook account, a Pinterest, a Gmail account, etc., I find myself eternally baffled by the fact that people constantly misspell my name. Like all others who have my name, I consider my spelling to be the most correct. None of the letters repeat, the “K” gives it that unique flair – not a lot of words start with K, you see. Okay, fine, but not as many as, like, M. But regardless of how you think it should or could or would be spelled in your mind, it doesn’t change the actual spelling of my name. If you’re writing me a message on Facebook, and you’re just not sure how to spell it, you can just look up about two inches and, what’s this?? My name is ON my Facebook page?? Quick, write it down, before someone notices and corrects it for me!! The same goes with email… and everything else. I hate to brag, but I am a champion speller. And even if I wasn’t, I am 100% sure how to spell my own name. I know I’ve said that already. But apparently it’s a difficult concept to grasp.
So, in conclusion:
Give me a K! (K!)
Give me an R! (R!)
Give me an I! (I!)
Give me an S! (S!)
Give me a T! (T!)
Give me an E! (E!)
Give me an N! (N!)
What does that spell??? FERNANDO! No, I’m kidding. It spells Kristen!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!